So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
