It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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