im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
