I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
