Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
