Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
His nipple licking is glorious
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