oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
