just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
