There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
