Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
