I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
