I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
