Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We just shotgunned beers for America
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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