I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar