Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them