Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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