some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
