OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
