this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...