I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
