Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes