you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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