Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.