you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow