we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..