Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.