your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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