just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
