i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
