2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
