when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
