so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
