no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
there is glitter all over my balls
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