I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
