Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
