you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
North Korea, Best Korea!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
