Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
