Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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