someone get that fucking seahorse.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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