from now on my penis is your penis
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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