bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
