i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
