it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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