This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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