Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
