Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
