I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
