I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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