How'd it feel making her break her religion?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
