Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
