We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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