dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
