I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
