Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
this hospital has no fireball
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
