Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
