What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
