there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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