Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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