I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The power of my boobs compel you
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
