Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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