I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
