i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
