Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
