Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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