its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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