I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
