All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize