My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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