I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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