woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
