I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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