Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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