If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
