I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
