Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
