I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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