i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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