I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
